Sunday, March 17, 2013

Big Choices

I was young then,
Just a boy going to school
It happened to be around the block
It was cold in the mornings
My mother told me I had to walk
Every morning I went to the classroom labeled 1b
There was a teacher I didn't know and like
It was the classroom assigned to me
I ate the food my mother cooked every night
Woke up in the morning when she said it was time
I had the same hobbies as my older brother
All of which were encouraged by my father

Finally I found a way to be different
Dying for individuality by middle school
I started being bad and acting the fool
There was no good outlet for me to see me
Nor did another show me how to really be
Molded into the struggling young man
Pressure from school, family, and friends
But that is not who I wanted to be
Desperate to escape
Desperate to feel free

16, I got a car and could drive anywhere
I thought the open road would make me cool
Except that I didn't have money for entertainment or fuel
And just a few hours before my curfew time
I stayed out late to get really high
But it wasn't much of a choice
More of the cheapest way to escape
Trying to run away from a world
One I was born into and didn't make
But real men don’t run away
They take what they have been given
They use it to work
They use it to fight their way

But I still wasn't the real me
In my craziness I wouldn't feel anything
Needing a friend to show me a real something
My brain half blunted
I didn't really want to be buried
It felt good for a while
I just wanted to disappear in style

I sobered up and went back to school
Nobody was forcing me
Just another thing I was expected to do
My first real choice was to choose my major
I chose my classes, the places, and times of day
I chose when to study
I chose not to play

I started to date
I liked to think I had my way
But really most of the time they choose me
They weren't many and I wasn't picky

I changed to a different major
Refocusing on my studies and my future
I learned more about myself and the world
Knowledge was the eraser erasing my blur
I moved into Stout Hall, the old cheap dormitory
A pinch of rebels, addicts, outcasts, and freaks
I added to the crew and joined the …… community

Was it time for my first big decision?
Making it after college graduation
I didn't slave to another for an easy buck
I went to the end of the world, a place far off
Everyone told me not to go
It was exactly what I needed to work, play, and grow
Poor little village from first world city
Giving time to others with no money
It was a great adventure and best part of my life
Even the moments I hated then, I look back and love
Learned good and more bad about what I was made of

I wanted the adventure to never end
Went to more countries teaching English
It would seem as if my career began
My job wasn't much more than conversational prostitution
Years rolled by and I became a professor
My loans were all paid, no need for a longer stay
I could go anywhere and live and play

I continue on working my passion on the side
I study, read, and write looking for my idea
I think, sit, and scribble about my mission
My contribution is to help my brother’s fruition
I work best with this goal in my mind
Testing myself while I strive

I became a man. 
It means picking my cause and giving my everything
I make sacrifices, lose friends and say goodbye to lovers
It is terrible but eventually I will gain others
As a child I was a passive observer of a life happening to me
As an adult I am happening to my community
To be a man my big choice is my path of life

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