Big Choices

I was young then,

Just a boy going to school

It happened to be around the block

It was cold in the mornings

My mother told me I had to walk

Every morning I went to the classroom labeled 1b

There was a teacher I didn't know and like

It was the classroom assigned to me

I ate the food my mother cooked every night

Woke up in the morning when she said it was time

I had the same hobbies as my older brother

All of which were encouraged by my father

Finally I found a way to be different

Dying for individuality by middle school

I started being bad and acting the fool

There was no good outlet for me to see me

Nor did another show me how to really be

Molded into the struggling young man

Pressure from school, family, and friends

But that is not who I wanted to be

Desperate to escape

Desperate to feel free

16, I got a car and could drive anywhere

I thought the open road would make me cool

Except that I didn't have money for entertainment or fuel

And just a few hours before my curfew time

I stayed out late to get really high

But it wasn't much of a choice

More of the cheapest way to escape

Trying to run away from a world

One I was born into and didn't make

But real men don’t run away

They take what they have been given

They use it to work

They use it to fight their way

But I still wasn't the real me

In my craziness I wouldn't feel anything

Needing a friend to show me a real something

My brain half blunted

I didn't really want to be buried

It felt good for a while

I just wanted to disappear in style

I sobered up and went back to school

Nobody was forcing me

Just another thing I was expected to do

My first real choice was to choose my major

I chose my classes, the places, and times of day

I chose when to study

I chose not to play

I started to date

I liked to think I had my way

But really most of the time they choose me

They weren't many and I wasn't picky

I changed to a different major

Refocusing on my studies and my future

I learned more about myself and the world

Knowledge was the eraser erasing my blur

I moved into Stout Hall, the old cheap dormitory

A pinch of rebels, addicts, outcasts, and freaks

I added to the crew and joined the …… community

Was it time for my first big decision?

Making it after college graduation

I didn't slave to another for an easy buck

I went to the end of the world, a place far off

Everyone told me not to go

It was exactly what I needed to work, play, and grow

Poor little village from first world city

Giving time to others with no money

It was a great adventure and best part of my life

Even the moments I hated then, I look back and love

Learned good and more bad about what I was made of

I wanted the adventure to never end

Went to more countries teaching English

It would seem as if my career began

My job wasn't much more than conversational prostitution

Years rolled by and I became a professor

My loans were all paid, no need for a longer stay

I could go anywhere and live and play

I continue on working my passion on the side

I study, read, and write looking for my idea

I think, sit, and scribble about my mission

My contribution is to help my brother’s fruition

I work best with this goal in my mind

Testing myself while I strive

I became a man. 

It means picking my cause and giving my everything

I make sacrifices, lose friends and say goodbye to lovers

It is terrible but eventually I will gain others

As a child I was a passive observer of a life happening to me

As an adult I am happening to my community

To be a man my big choice is my path of life